a liar I am

My job has turned me into a liar. A bold, unapologetic liar.

Look at that, as if to prove my point, I lie yet again. It's not so much the job that has made me a liar, it's some of the people I deal with that make me a liar. What do I lie about you ask? I have a boyfriend. I say it weekly, sometimes daily, sometimes repeatedly throughout a day. (I had one of those days this week)

There comes a time when you work around truck drivers that being hit on kind of loses its appeal. If by some weird chance there is some man out there who thinks he's going to find love in a truck stop, take this advice to heart.... a) be clean, showers are available and most women would prefer being hit on by a man who doesn't smell like he's been rolling around in pigshit all day. b) have clean breathe, if you plan on moving close to use a bad pick up line, allow the woman to have a chance to hear the pick up line rather than having to focus on the nightmare-ish medley composed of cigarettes, fast food, and some weird funky undertone that might be soured milk. c) don't mention sex or how driving ruins every relationship you've had. d) don't tell me all about your girlfriend as an excuse to talk to me then flick your hotel room key at me and suggest I come over for 'a shower' in a way you perceive to be sexy but makes me want to drive a dull butter knife through my ear. besides, if you're flicking a key rather than a key card in this day and age, I think we can all be pretty sure you're paying by the hour and there will be a few gals after dark willing to 'shower' with you e) keep in mind that if you are going to use a line, chances are we've heard it before and it won't even make a bleep on the radar, be original, if you've heard it before, so have I... honestly, I'm a woman in a truck stop that is predominantly male...I could look like John Kerrys horse faced crack whore cousin, but as long as I have a set of knockers, someone is hitting on me. "Hey baby, I'd really like to get to know you" I'm pretty sure translates into "Hey baby, I am really hoping you are easy because I am looking to hit that before I head across the country in a few hours to never return" Sorry, have a boyfriend. "Hey beautiful, can I get your number" (oh sure, I always hand my number out to perfect strangers in a truck stop) Sorry, have a boyfriend. "Girl, I've been dreaming about you all my life" Sorry, have a boyfriend. It flows so naturally now and usually this works. They do the kicked puppy dog thing and play sad all the while thinking son of a bitch I'm gonna have to pay one of those hookers that shows up after midnight or some variation like that. Somehow I just don't see myself telling the grand kids someday, oh yea, I met your grandfather while I was working in a truck stop and he came in to find some fuel, a shower, and a quick lay if he could work it out.

My lie wasn't working so well this week. In one day, three men would not stop even after I hit them with 'I have a boyfriend'. A couple of others took it like a man (?) and sulked off like that kicked puppy dog, but those three were relentless. How long you been together?, how long you know him?, is it serious?, he treat you right? HOLY SHIT...who knew a simple lie would lead to surprise quizzes. Seriously, I think I failed...I hadn't planned on that ever happening. An easy lie is one thing, inventing an imaginary boyfriend is another thing altogether. Actually, I know I failed. One of these guys looked at me and said, 'so, are you really serious about this guy?' to which I responded, 'of course'. He then informs me that just last week I told him I'd been with my guy for four months. (I told him two months this time) I gave him my oh fuck kinda laugh and said ohhh, he just makes it feel that way sometimes before I ran off to the back. But, I finally got them gone looking even more miserable than most of these guys and after the third one I stormed in and hit a couple of the male store employees with 'what the hell is wrong with men?' and ran through my experiences of the day. Some of the store people weren't at all surprised by this because I've had a person or people sneak me out of stores before so I could dodge the advances of some of these guys. (Yeah, I'm a sissy)

While they looked at me with 'we expected this' type looks, one of them finally said to me--'ok, between us, girl, you got it going on!' (there was a lot of stuff in the middle that I don't remember, but hey, who doesn't feel a little flattered when you're being hit on by a guy who doesn't want to do you in the back of his truck? So it started out well) That went into an explanation about men, and was ended with 'you're one of those women who when a guy decides he wants you, he REALLY wants you and for those of us who do want you, it's all or restraining order.' On one side it sounds like a compliment, on the other it kinda screams stay in a dark hole somewhere because you attract crazy men (most of us know I do indeed have a knack for that)So, I'm curious...I think I should just print up a few generic fill in the name type restraining orders and have them at the ready for these future encounters...or maybe I should just dig that hole and live off the earth...what do you think?