The latest installment on the 'only me'
chronicles dropped today (literally...and by literally, I do mean the
long standing widely accept definition, NOT this acceptance of lazy
recent definition of adding emphasis) after I was done working and
stopped at the grocery store.
I keep jars of change, I used to be
pretty good about dumping it into one of those machines regularly but
the last year has been so tight that I didn't really think I had been
accumulating enough to warrant a trip to the machine with my half
empty jars. I was wrong. Apparently even when you have a tight year
or two you can still collect a decent amount of change. I realized
that over the weekend and grabbed my three jars, threw them in a
reusable shopping bag and into the car before I went to work.
After work, I went straight to the
store and grabbed a shopping cart because, well, three jars of change
is friggin' heavy. Also, I know my luck well enough that I could far
too easily picture the bottom busting out of the bag even though it
seemed pretty sturdy. I smartly left my car, found a cart, and
brought it back to the car. I loaded my bag o' change into the kids
seat. I headed into the store with my head high because I thought of
EVERYTHING. And that completely explains why, just as I reached the
entrance, changed started pouring out of the cart and all over my
feet. You see, when I looked to make sure the plastic thing that
pretends it's going to make that seat less uncomfortable for the
butts of your children, I assumed it was up—and that would have
ensured that my bag wouldn't tip through a leg hole and start
bestowing coinage upon anyone near enough to laugh at me.
It was a lot of change. A lot. More
than it even appeared to be in the jars. Did I mention a lot? As I
contemplated just walking away because I was actually on the verge of
tears, a couple of strangers started scooping up my change for me. So
then I had to and they were being so nice and I felt so stupid and I
became one of those helpless boohoo girls and sat my big ass in the
lot and started crying over spilled...change...absolutely my proudest
moment in the last few days. :/
When we finally got it all back in the
bag, I took myself into the store, got to the machine and discovered
that I had $144.92. That means that I probably dumped about $80 in
the parking lot. In change. So maybe I can't call it rain...hail
seems more appropriate.
On another note, after I turned my
change into money, I grabbed some veggies and came up behind a guy in
a wife beater. He was built like a brick shit house. Broad muscular
shoulders, muscular legs, and one of those waists that pulls in
enough to be almost too small (and that never really appeals to
me...aren't women supposed to have the hour glasses?) Anyway...he
turned around and was pregnant. I mean to say he had an impressive
belly on him and that's all fine and good and all, but I'm still
shocked that the front and the back of a person can belong so
completely on two different people.
Carry on. There's nothing to see here.
No comments:
Post a Comment