Meeting new friends. Michele style.

I'm about to share a disturbing insight into the ways I choose my friends. Some of you may be scared, some of you may understand, and some of you may think, “well, damn! That explains everything!” Once upon a time I was a young woman moving to a strange new city. I had moved for work, so I came to the Wilkes Barre area not knowing a soul. One of the first people I became friends with smacked my ass (at work) within the first few weeks of meeting (at work) then convinced me to go out drinking with her. (Okay, maybe “convinced” isn't the right word, it was probably something more like--'hey Michele, do you want to grab a drink this weekend?' followed by my jumping at her like a rabid dog screaming YESYESYESYES!) I could probably stop right there for some of you and that might be enough. But nope, I always take it one step further. Besides, she smacked my ass just right.

I learned two things that night: first, my friend is nuts; second, this area has a weird obsession with drunken animals.

In the interest of protecting the guilty, I will refer to this friend from here on as Yule-lee-a. That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Yuleleea told me to meet her at the Tipsy Turtle and gave me directions. Of course, I got lost and when I stopped twice to ask for directions I asked for the Thirsty Turtle. You'd think a bar with turtle in the name would stand out to anyone, no matter what you call the first part, but noooo! People looked at me like I was out of my mind and told me they had no idea what I was talking about. By pure chance and just as I was ready to give up and go home, I found the bar. There it sat on a crazy side road like a beacon of light on a dark dreary night, with angels sounding off the promise of cold alcohol ahead. Honestly, I think I nearly had an out of body experience.

As I finally walked into the bar, Yuleleea was inside waiting for me and started introducing me to her other friends. The night was finally looking up! We were having a good time and everything was happening much like you'd expect it to happen...to a normal person. Then somebody suggested we head to another bar...The Leaping Lizard. I was fine with that and jumped into Yuleleea's car to ride with her. She being the kind soul she is was nice enough to drive so I could continue my intoxication. At the time, I didn't realize Yuleleea has a serious anger issue with reptiles that she carries with her as she leaves the bar.

We had a great time! I even met two guys from home that were here visiting for some reason. I was three sheets to the wind at that point, so I can't remember who they were or why they were visiting, but my drunken ass thought it was wonderful.

This is where it gets weird. I'm nearly positive that when we headed to the Leaping Lizard that it was only Yuleleea and myself in her car. On the way out, we had eight. The guys from home, and most of the people that had come with us from the turtle bar. Three of us, including me, were in the front and one of her friends was driving. Four people smooshed into the backseat and Yuleleea laid across them.
It was strange, but off we went. By off I mean we drove about five blocks when one of us in the front needed a light. So we turned on her interior lights and couldn't make them turn off. So, like any bunch of idiots, we kept hitting the lights sure this time would really turn them off. That changed of course when Yuleleea went absolutely batshit and started screaming (and I mean to tell you s-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g!!) “IT'S FUCKING THEATHER LIGHTING! JUST STOP FUCKING TOUCHING IT! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKITYFUCKFUCK!” I don't clearly remember the rest of it, but she said...errr...screamed fuck A LOT! Right up to the point when she finally screamed “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! GET! OUT! NOW!” So, the guy driving pulled over in front of a Turkey Hill and we all got out. She was still cursing a blue streak when she got in the drivers seat. She must have driven around the block, because it wasn't more than two minutes later she pulled back around and opened her window and screamed, “MICHELE, GET THE FUCK BACK IN THIS CAR! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE!” I remember feeling like a deer in the headlights. She seemed well, umm, insane. I remember looking at the guy who'd been driving and asking him if he'd be able to tell me how to get back home. He told me he'd get me taken care of and I told her no and hid behind him.

She pulled away and that guy finally tracked someone down to give us a ride. Next thing I know, I'm in a truck bed...yes, seven of us in a truck bed at 3:30 in the morning...with near perfect strangers dropping off the guys from home at the lizard bar and the rest of us are headed back to the turtle bar to get my car. At this point, it's well past 4am, I've long since sobered up. Shock will do that to you. But, I let the guy who had been driving her car drive mine to take everyone home. Then we got to his house and he insisted I come inside for a soda or something. I finally relented and went in for a drink and he wrote directions down and off I went. I'm still not sure why he didn't just tell me the directions from the car because they consisted of approximately four steps. I finally got home at about 6am, and wasn't sure I ever wanted to either go to work or go out ever again.

The next morning my phone rang and it was Yuleleea sounding very hungover and very apologetic. I accepted and she's still one of my best friends. As our friendship grew, we continued to go out nearly every Friday (though I've never stepped near another place with even a hint of reptile with her again) to the Chicken Coop (they love drunk animals here people!). It was at the Chicken Coop that we were dubbed Cinderella and Anastasia which led to many more stories worthy of sharing, which someday I will do. Hopefully, you won't be bitterly disappointed by the lack of f-bombs in future memories :)