In grade school, I was the the outcast. I think I was even an outcast to the other outcast. I don't think I ever understood why. But, at some point I went from having a few friends to everyone making fun of me as often as possible. Even one of the teachers...a nun no less...never passed on the opportunity to make me feel as small as possible in front of as many people as she could. So, I was awkward, introverted, and maybe a little strange because I never felt like I fit in.
In junior high, I was awkward for a bit, then realized the stigma that followed me through grade school was suddenly gone and I actually had friends. I was happy, had fun, and was probably still a little weird from time to time. Haha
High school came and somehow I turned into the almost horrible wild child who skipped more school than not. I definitely did a lot of things that I would choke a child for now. Whatever possessed me to get loaded and hitchhike to Pittsburgh is beyond me to this day, but hey, I made it and wasn't brutally murdered so I call it a win. Skipped a lot of school, made more friends and somehow managed to become a scape goat for horrible things someone else would do. (There's a funny story there...one night I was hanging out with my usual group and suddenly the crazy bitch in our group grabbed me and announced she was going to kick my ass because I'd slept with her friends boyfriend...I was completely shocked because the friend was freaking out like a nutcase and we were all trying to figure out why until this point. Even more shocking was the fact that the crazy bitch was the one who had been sleeping with her friends boyfriend. Rather than saying that though, I reverted to the nervous child and couldn't say boo. It makes me laugh now because I ran into the girlfriend of the guy a couple of years ago when I went back to Altoona and she went apeshit again when she saw me. Because she wouldn't stop running her mouth I felt a little spiteful and said to her I wonder who he made scream louder...me or crazy bitch...that's right it was crazy bitch. Didn't calm her down at all, but it was funny. Who holds on to a grudge that long?! Really!?)
Just out of high school, I finally came into myself, was smokin' hot for a bit, probably (ok, definitely) did more things that I would choke a child for today and started hanging out with a bunch of gay men and wondered why even though I felt my best ever I could never find a man. Could it be because they were all gay? Hmm, yep, some of us are a little slow on the uptake I guess. But, I started getting myself together and my level of weird had finally become socially acceptable. I still partied, and even started partying with non gay men and women and the love life did perk up a bit, but I apparently got the worst of it out of me in high school.
I realized after a stunt I pulled the other day that I just have to hike my drawers up and accept that I will probably always be a little left of center. There will always be that grade school outcast left in me, and I shall embrace her, because honestly, when you look at some of the things I do, I really don't have a choice in the matter.
I had gone to dinner with a friend and while we were eating he started talking about the coffee shakes at Wendy's. I had a long drive home, and was getting sleepy and craving something sweet, and couldn't get the stupid shakes out of my head. I stopped at the first Wendy's that lit up the night sky and ordered the frosty-icino or something like that. The order was placed without a problem, and I pulled around to the window and the kid handed out my shake and took my money. If you have never had one of these things, they come with the domed lid with the huge hole in it like the ones that came with the icee's from way back. It's a frosty with whipped cream and chocolate syrup filling the dome. I don't know what came over me when that kind handed me that shake. But once he had my money in hand and I had shake in mine, an urge so strong came over me that I wasn't even given a chance to think. Rather than opening the straw and drinking this thing like a normal person would, I wrapped my lips around the hole of the dome and started sucking the whipped cream out and made a sound that went something like “nyum, nyum, nyumnyumnyumnyumnyum” while I bobbed my head from shoulder to shoulder.
I was completely oblivious to anything else until I glanced to the side and saw the poor drive through guy staring at me, dumbfounded, with my change at the ready. He never said a word, I looked around, and said, “oh, I guess you need me to move” and grabbed my change out of his paralyzed hand. It wasn't until I pulled ahead and made an attempt to repeat what I had just done that I realized just how ridiculous that scene must have been. I had an overwhelming urge to go back and blame the guy I had just had dinner with for the incident; if I could have found a way to make that logical, I would have.
I'm sure he's over the trauma and is still making fun of me with his friends at this point, so it seems I've come full circle. I think I've found my place in the world. Here's to you drive through guy for being too stunned to laugh while I was sitting there. You're a good boy.
My advice. Don't indulge a craving late in the evening when you are dead tired and probably a little loopy from a drive that is just a bit too long.
Instead you CALLED him and blamed him. Not that he could understand what you were saying through the peals of laughter.
ReplyDeleteIt's called a "Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty" and I only tried it because the guy in the commercial is HOT.
*NOTE: see, she still hangs out with the occasional homosexual, she will never learn.
maybe I just don't want to learn some lesson there sweetlips. :P
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